What provoked such a strong, violent reaction from me, who likes to consider myself as being a mild person? Well, he'd been talking about himself for about an hour. He’d shown no interest in me; no chance for me to get a word in. After all that, he even had the nerve to thank me for such an interesting conversation! “What conversation?” -I wryly. thought to myself.
You’ve probably had the same experience. And perhaps you have treated other people in the same way. It often happens on the telephone. While the person on the other end does all the talking you could easily walk away or play a game of Patience on your computer without his noticing. I must plead guilty to that.
It seems to me, all the talker wants is an audience, not a conversation. That would involve both participating, with each talking and listening –with each showing an interest in the other. That would mean sharing news and ideas, above all taking an interest in each other. Otherwise one might as well talk to the cat. It won’t answer back! But it may as well close its eyes and go to sleep out of sheer boredom.
These musings were provoked by someone coming to talk about the difficulties he was having with praying. He complained that God seemed to be so distant, so silent. He didn't seem to listen. After my friend had gone on for about an hour I'd had enough! Without a pause I, like a traffic cop, suddenly held up my hand and exclaimed, “Stop! You’ve done all the talking and haven’t allowed me to say anything. You came to me for advice and have shown no interest in hearing what I have to say.
Perhaps that's the way you treat God when you try to pray. You do all the talking and no listening. You don't give God a chance to speak to you. You show no sign of being interested in listening to what He may have to say to you. And if He got a chance to speak, the sound of your own voice would have drowned His out.”
I then suggested he would do better to think more about God and less about himself. He should stop talking so much and start listening. Not surprisingly, my words pulled him up with a jolt. All credit to him. He had the humility and honesty to admit I could be right.
Compulsive talking can be a sign that we're afraid of silence, when we’re with someone with whom we are not at ease. To escape an uncomfortable void, we become compulsive chatterers. But friendship can only begin to develop when we’ve learnt to become listeners. Only then can we discover each other. But we do need to stop being so self-centred and start taking an interest in others. Only then will we learn the wonder of loving and being loved.
All this is very true both of love of our fellow human beings and of God. Surprisingly, the deepest expression of love can consist in simply relaxing together, enjoying each other’s company. Then words become superfluous. There’s no tension in the silence. A loving gaze can be more eloquent than many words.
All this is true of the dialogue of love, which is prayer. We can draw close to God’s love by relaxing quietly in his company, say, before the Blessed Sacrament. Or, we can gaze upon the crucifix, without our needing to use words; Christ can speak to our minds and hearts from the cross. But we do need to be silent if we are to hear Him. Endless chatter can block out God. Jesus pointed to the danger of using too many words when we were praying.
Endless prattling can also be a way of deafening ourselves to the Word of God speaking to our consciences. We don't want to hear the uncomfortable things He may want to say to us because He knows we need to hear them. We're afraid God may make unwanted demands on us and prick our consciences. That would mean we would have to change our way of life. To block out the voice of God we deafen ourselves with the cacophony of our own babblings.
But it's only by being still and quietly listening to God that we can hear His voice. Only then can we discover His will for us.
“Be still and know that I am God.”
Isidore O.P.
In a fortnight Fr Peter will reflect on 'Eyes Right? Eyes Wrong ?'
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